Protected: Aching. July 19, 2010
Humility, Provision, and Grace June 24, 2010
The past week has been pretty awful. I have a brother who is hurting and taking it out on himself and his family, mainly my parents. Yesterday Evan woke up from nap and decided to paint with poop- all over his crib and walls. The girls have been off the wall- super hyper and into everything- probably a lot of that has to do with the fact that it’s been so hot and we can’t play outside. Yesterday my doctor’s office called and told me to come in to get blood work done and to get the container for a 24-hour urine- I should have been able to do it all at my appt. on Tuesday, but had to change that appointment to Monday b/c of the stuff with my brother. Because the NP didn’t know that I had changed my appointment, she didn’t know to catch me and give me the paperwork. I know this sounds unrelated, but today was the breaking point. I got up this morning to mounds of laundry and dishes that I didn’t wash last night because I was too busy throwing up from morning sickness. I started getting myself and the kids ready to go to the doctor for the blood work. I talked to my mom on the phone and offered to pick something up for her in Spartanburg since we’d already be there. And I sat down to feed Matthew. As I was feeding him, I kept calling Naaman to come eat. He didn’t come and didn’t come and didn’t come. He was playing with Sarah in the girls room. Gabi casually mentioned that Sarah had Matthew’s formula. What? Sarah can’t climb the kitchen gate. I looked on the counter and, sure enough, it was missing. I ran to the bedroom and Sarah and Naaman had dumped formula, expensive formula, a half of a very large can of very expensive formula, all over the girls floor and Gabi’s bed. I could lie and say that I handled it gently. I didn’t. I went ballistic. James called at that moment and I went from screaming what happened into the phone to him to screaming at the girls. Why? Why would you do this? You KNOW you’re not supposed to touch his formula! It was awful. I eventually hung up with James and cleaned up the mess, still yelling at the girls intermittently. It was awful. I was awful. So sinful. And so mad. Mad that they did it. Mad that we lost all that formula. Mad that formula costs so much. Mad that my husband has such a poor-paying job and that the cost is even an issue. I know- really unrelated- but I’m being honest here. I lost it. I started thinking about teaching and letting James stay home with the kids. I started thinking about getting a part-time job and leaving as soon as he gets home from work. Of doing something, anything, so that I would get to stop worrying about money. And you know what happened? When I finally calmed down and went back to feeding Matthew, I got a phone call. And I almost didn’t answer it because I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. But I answered anyway. And you know who it was? It was a friend calling to ask if I could use some Similac formula. She was going to drop it off at the pregnancy center, but she thought of me. No, I’m not making this up. I was so mad. Mad at God. Ridiculous and sinful, I know. But I was. And in all of my nasty, awful sin, that’s what He did. He didn’t punish me. He didn’t leave me on my own. He sent formula. And now, instead of having to take 5 children to the grocery store by myself, formula will be delivered to my door. Free formula. I don’t understand it. I was so unforgiving of my children. And what they did was so much less than the way I acted toward them, my husband, and God. I can honestly say that I don’t get it. I don’t get grace. But I’m so grateful for it. And I’ve talked to God and my children. And they’ve forgiven me. Even though I really truly don’t deserve it. And I’ll talk to my husband at lunch. And he’ll forgive me. Because that’s how he is. I am so grateful for grace- grace that I most surely don’t deserve, even on my “best,” most “good” day.
A wooden bowl… May 14, 2010
Last night Matthew and I spent the night with my grandmother (Granmur.) She has been in a wheelchair for several years now and needs help getting dressed, going potty, etc. My grandfather (Granddaddy) has been caring for her in an addition on my parents house since they moved down here 6 years ago. It would take too long to tell the whole story, but basically doctors found benign tumors pressing on Granddaddy’s brain several months ago, causing dementia. He has rapidly weakened and become more and more confused. Earlier this week, my parents took him to the ER after a night episode where he was living in a fantasy and spoke of hurting my grandmother. He was admitted to the Psych ward for observation. As of today, there will be a family meeting on Tuesday with doctors to decide if he will come home go to a nursing home. As much as we want him home, it would probably be too dangerous for himself and those living with him. Anyhow, I was rocking Matthew in Granmur’s living room last night. As I looked around at all of her little knick knacks and collectibles, I remembered some of the stories she told me about where they came from or why they were special to her. I thought about how sad it is to know that, one day, I will either go to a nursing home or to heaven and my children and grandchildren will go through my special things, probably putting most of them into boxes for Goodwill. No matter how temporal I know this life is, it’s still sad to think about. I thought about how hard it would be to have James put in a hospital, not knowing whether he would come home to me or never come home again. I thought about the way that I’ve treated and will treat my children- will I teach them respect so that that they honor me when I’ m old? Will I love them unselfishly and unconditionally so that they will turn around and love me in the same fashion? What if they need to help me potty, change my diaper, or bathe me? Will they do it with humility and joy because I have shown the same humility and joy in caring for them and others around me? Obviously, we should not love others because of what is “in it for us” later. However, God’s word does talk about raising our children to bring us joy later in life. This is a story that I was emailed a long time ago- I normally detest forwards, but this one stuck in my heart:
There was a family that consisted of a dad, mom, and little boy. One day the mom’s dad came to live with them. As he grew older and older, he began to spill things, break things, and create messes and work. Eventually the boy’s parents started making him sit at his own little table during meals so that they could eat in peace. They gave him wooden bowl and spoon so that he couldn’t break their china. One day, the dad saw the little boy playing with an old piece of wood in the living room and asked him, “What are you doing, son?” The little boy said, “I’m making a bowl.” The father, of course, asked, “Why, son?” And the little boy replied, “So you will have something to eat out of when you get old.” I don’t know if it’s a true story (probably not), but I know that it made me think. Remember:
-If you don’t respect your parents, don’t expect your children to respect you.
-If you don’t respect your grandparents, don’t expect your grandchildren to respect you.
-If you aren’t polite and kind to others, don’t expect your children to be polite and kind to others, or even to you.
-And if you don’t serve those around you selflessly, then don’t expect anyone to serve you selflessly when you need it.
Just something to think about…
“She makes linen garments and sells them…” May 2, 2010
So you probably know that the above quote is a portion of Proverbs 31:24. And you may be wondering why I’ve used it as my post’s title. Well, for awhile now, James and I have been looking for something I could do to help contribute to our income. (Not because he thinks that being a mommy isn’t important and tough enough, but because I feel so frustrated with feeling like I’m not doing anything to help.) Let’s face it, the economy is rough right now. I know that we can’t be the only ones feeling it. Though James spent years getting education that he thought would enable him to provide for us one day, he has been unable to get a job making more than a little above minimum wage for the past 3 years. Yes, we are grateful that he has a job at all, but we’re still frustrated that his school debt is huge and his paycheck is tiny. We don’t want to be wealthy- we just want to be able to pay our bills, tithe, and be able to provide some little extras for our kids. Okay, enough rambling. Long story short, we came across a company called Thirty-One gifts. It’s a faith-based company that recruits moms (some stay-at-home and some that want a second income) to sell personalized products… cute products, at that. I’m excited about the opportunity to help my husband and he’s excited about me being excited. That said, I would not be a good consultant if I didn’t advertise. If you’re interested in looking at what I’m selling, you can visit www.mythirtyone.com/katebmckinney. Check out the catalog- there’s a lot of cute stuff and almost all of it is very affordable. If you don’t want to purchase anything, I’d still love it if you’d pray for our family. If you have questions, or just want to encourage me, my email is email@example.com. Let me know what you think!
Sitting up late… April 25, 2010
Wow, I can’t believe it’s 12:10 and I’m awake- and not feeding or rocking or loving on a baby… why, you ask? Well, my sweet husband is about 10 feet away painting our living room. It’s been about a 3 week process. It was paneling that soaked up the primer, so it’s had several coats of primer and is finally getting it’s first coat of cappuccino… looks yummy. James stayed up ’til 3:30 this morning working hard and we’re hoping it will finally be done this weekend. Behind me there’s a sweet baby boy asleep on the couch- he’s a little spoiled and seems to know if his mommy isn’t cuddled up next to him in bed- I love how he reaches his hand up to my face in his sleep or while he’s eating as if to make sure that I’m still there. He’s just the happiest little thing and I can’t get enough of him. Sarah Laine is in our bed because she woke up about 11 (which is so not like her) and I didn’t have the heart to put her back in her bed… I know I know… I’m ruining them, yada yada yada… Gabs is in her bed doing a great job- we watched The Sound of Music together today for the first time and she was so cute because, later on, she was singing “Do Ra BE…” sounded like she was singing about rabies. She loved it, though, especially because we have a 5 year old neighbor named Maria that they just adore. Ev and Nafa are in their cribs being their precious selves- Evie is having surgery on Monday and I hate to put him through it, but it can’t be helped. I feel like once we finally got him out of the NICU I never wanted to see him in a hospital again. Nafa has looked so grown-up the past few days. Don’t let his cuteness fool you, though- he’s a bully. He likes to pick on Evan- all I can say is that Evie is gonna have to learn how to take care of himself if he’s going to make it through the next 15 or so years sharing a room with Nafa. Okay, well that’s it… just wanted to update, but now I’m sleepy all of a sudden…. G’night.
Whoa! April 13, 2010
I can’t believe how big huge gigantic Matthew is… he’ll be six months old on the 26th and he weighs 19 pounds!!! Yes, you read that correctly. I’m posting a picture for proof- this boy’s gonna be a big’un. But he’s sooooooooooooo cute!
I could just bite that adorable little face right off! Have a good day.